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寫作範文庫
比較同一題目的兩篇範文。
Nowadays, working from home is becoming more and more popular1 in many countries. Some people think it has many advantages, but others think it also has disadvantages. In my opinion, the advantages are more than the disadvantages2.
Firstly, working from home can save a lot of time.3 People do not need to spend time on the bus or train every day. Secondly, it can save money, because workers do not need to pay for transport and lunch outside. In addition, people can take care of their family more easily, for example their children or old parents.
However, there are also some disadvantages.4 Working from home makes people feel lonely because they cannot talk with their colleagues face to face. Moreover, some people cannot concentrate at home because there are many distractions, such as television and housework. It is also difficult for the company to manage the workers.
In conclusion, although working from home has some disadvantages, I believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Companies should allow their employees to work from home if it is possible.
Memorized filler phrasing. It fills space but shows no lexical range — a Band 6 marker when it opens the essay.
背誦式的套話。它填充了篇幅,卻沒有展示詞彙廣度——用它開篇是典型的 6 分特徵。
The position is stated, which protects Task Response — but "are more than" is an awkward calque. The natural phrasing is "outweigh", used correctly only in the conclusion.
立場表達出來了,這保住了任務回應分——但 "are more than" 是生硬的中式直譯。自然的說法是 "outweigh",而這篇文章只在結論裡用對了它。
Ideas are listed, not developed. Each advantage gets one sentence and no consequence: saved time — and then what? Band 7 requires extending an idea, not collecting more of them.
觀點被羅列,而沒有展開。每個優點只有一句話,沒有後續推論:省下了時間——然後呢?7 分要求延伸一個觀點,而不是堆砌更多觀點。
The disadvantages paragraph simply lists problems and never returns to the writer's position. The essay claims advantages win but never argues why these problems matter less.
缺點段只是羅列問題,從未回到作者的立場。文章聲稱優點更多,卻從未論證為什麼這些問題的分量更輕。
The shift toward home working is one of the most significant changes in modern employment, and it is often debated whether its benefits justify its costs. In my view they clearly do, provided that companies design remote arrangements deliberately rather than by default1.
The strongest argument in favour is the recovery of commuting time. In major cities, employees routinely lose ten hours a week to travel — time that benefits nobody. When remote work returns those hours, the gains are not confined to leisure2: parents cover school runs without taking leave, and employees in expensive capitals can live further away, easing pressure on both their finances and the housing market. In other words, the advantage compounds well beyond the individual worker.
The disadvantages are real but narrower than they appear. Collaboration and mentoring undoubtedly suffer when colleagues never meet, and early-career staff lose the informal learning that comes from simply overhearing experienced people work. Yet these costs argue for hybrid schedules rather than for abandoning remote work3: gathering teams for two fixed days a week preserves precisely the activities that require presence, while keeping the flexibility that employees now demonstrably value when choosing employers.
Weighing the two sides, the benefits are broad, durable and shared across society, while the costs are specific and largely solvable4 through scheduling. The advantages of home working therefore outweigh its disadvantages, and the sensible question for most organisations is no longer whether to permit it, but how to structure it.
A qualified thesis. The writer takes a clear side and adds a condition, which sets up the whole essay's logic — this is the nuance Band 8 Task Response rewards.
有限定條件的論點。作者立場明確,同時附加了一個條件,這為全文的邏輯埋下伏筆——這正是 8 分任務回應所獎勵的思辨深度。
One idea, fully developed: saved time → concrete examples → a wider economic consequence. Compare the Band 6 essay, which spends the same words on three undeveloped ideas.
一個觀點被完整展開:省下的時間 → 具體例子 → 更廣泛的經濟影響。對比 6 分作文:同樣的篇幅被花在三個未展開的觀點上。
The concession is answered. The writer grants the disadvantage its full weight, then shows it points to a different conclusion. This move — concede, then redirect — is the clearest single difference between Band 6 and Band 8 argumentation.
讓步之後有回應。作者充分承認缺點的分量,然後論證它其實指向另一個結論。這個「先讓步、再轉向」的動作,是 6 分與 8 分論證之間最清晰的分水嶺。
The conclusion does the actual weighing the question asks for — it names the criteria (breadth, durability, solvability) instead of just repeating "advantages outweigh disadvantages".
結論真正完成了題目要求的「權衡」——它給出了衡量標準(廣度、持久性、可解決性),而不是簡單重複「優點大於缺點」。
Both essays answer the question and are organised into four paragraphs — structure is not what separates them. The Band 8 essay develops one idea per paragraph until it has consequences, answers its own concession, and weighs the two sides using explicit criteria. The Band 6 essay lists ideas it never develops and concedes problems it never answers. When revising your own writing, ask of every paragraph: did I extend this idea, or did I just add another one?
兩篇文章都回答了問題,都是四段結構——結構並不是分數差距的來源。8 分作文每段只發展一個觀點,直到推出其影響;讓步之後有回應;並用明確的標準來權衡兩方。6 分作文羅列了從未展開的觀點,承認了從未回應的問題。修改自己的作文時,對每一段都問一句:我是把這個觀點推進了,還是只是又加了一個?