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寫作範文庫
比較同一題目的兩篇範文。
Nowadays, tourism is more and more important1 in the world. Every year, a lot of tourists travel to famous places. Some people think tourism is good for local people, but other people think it is bad. In my opinion, I think2 tourism has both good and bad sides, but the good side is more.
On the one hand, tourism can bring many benefits to local community. Firstly, it can create many jobs, such as hotel, restaurant and tour guide4. So local people can earn money and their life become better. Secondly, tourism can develop the local economy, because tourists spend money in the local shops. In addition, local culture can be known by more people from other countries.
On the other hand, tourism also have some bad influence3. Too many tourists will make the environment dirty and the traffic very crowded. Moreover, the price of house and food will increase, so local people must pay more money. Some old buildings and nature are also damaged by tourists. This is a serious problem.
In conclusion, although tourism has some disadvantages, I think the advantages are more than disadvantages5. The government should control the number of tourists and protect the environment, then tourism can be good for local community.
A memorized opener that adds no information. It signals limited range at the very first line — examiners see this exact phrase in thousands of Band 6 scripts. Cut it and name something specific about mass tourism instead.
背誦式的開頭,沒有提供任何資訊。它在第一句就暴露了詞彙的侷限——考官在成千上萬篇 6 分作文裡見過一模一樣的短語。刪掉它,改成一個關於大眾旅遊的具體事實。
A redundant double marker — "in my opinion" and "I think" mean the same thing, so using both is wordy. Mandarin learners often stack signposts (因为…所以…) out of habit; in English, one opinion phrase is enough.
重複的立場標記——「in my opinion」和「I think」意思相同,兩個一起用就囉嗦了。說中文的考生常出於習慣把連接詞疊加(「因為…所以…」);在英語裡,表達立場用一個片語就夠了。
Subject-verb agreement slip: "tourism" is singular, so it must be "has". This error recurs because Chinese verbs do not inflect for number, so the -s is easy to drop. "Influence" here should also be plural or uncountable — "bad effects" is more natural.
主謂一致錯誤:「tourism」是單數,應該用「has」。這個錯誤反覆出現,是因為漢語動詞沒有單複數變化,所以容易漏掉 -s。這裡的「influence」也應用複數或不可數——「bad effects」更自然。
Countable nouns dropped their articles or plurals — it should read "hotels, restaurants and tour guides". Because Chinese has no obligatory plural marking, whole lists of bare singular nouns are a frequent Band 6 signal.
可數名詞漏掉了冠詞或複數——應為「hotels, restaurants and tour guides」。由於漢語沒有強制的複數標記,成串的單數光桿名詞是常見的 6 分信號。
A direct calque of 优点比缺点多. The idiomatic verb the question invites is "outweigh". "Are more than" also literally means greater in number, but the essay never counts anything — it means greater in importance.
這是「優點比缺點多」的直譯。題目所引導的道地動詞是「outweigh」。「Are more than」字面意思是數量更多,但文章根本沒有做任何數量比較——它想表達的是分量更重。
Few economic forces have reshaped popular destinations as visibly as mass tourism, and opinion is sharply divided over whether the millions of annual visitors enrich host communities or hollow them out. My own view is that the benefits are real but conditional1: tourism helps local people only when its scale is actively managed, and harms them precisely when it is not.
Those who defend mass tourism point, reasonably, to the livelihoods it sustains. A single popular town can support thousands of jobs in accommodation, catering and guiding, and much of that income circulates locally, funding services that a small resident population could never finance alone. Cultural exchange is a genuine dividend too: crafts, cuisines and festivals that might otherwise fade often survive because visitors value them. Where this argument understates the picture, however, is in assuming the money reaches residents rather than the international hotel chains and booking platforms that increasingly capture it2.
The case against mass tourism becomes compelling once volume outpaces a place's capacity to absorb it. When visitor numbers swell far beyond the resident population, housing is the first casualty3: landlords convert flats into short-term lets, rents climb, and the very people who staff the cafés and museums are priced out of their own neighbourhoods. Add the strain on water, transport and heritage sites, and a community can find itself materially poorer in everything except cash flow. Crucially, these harms are not inevitable — they are what happens when growth is left entirely to the market4.
This is why I regard the debate as less about tourism itself than about its governance. Destinations that cap daily numbers, tax short-term rentals and reinvest visitor revenue in local housing consistently fare better than those that simply maximise arrivals. The evidence therefore points not to welcoming or rejecting tourists, but to designing the terms on which they come.
On balance, then, mass tourism is neither the saviour nor the villain each camp describes. It is a powerful tool that rewards communities which regulate it and punishes those that do not, and the decisive question is not how many visitors arrive, but who ends up better off when they leave5.
A qualified thesis rather than a blunt yes/no. By making the position depend on a condition (active management), the writer sets up an argument the whole essay can develop — exactly the nuance Band 8 Task Response rewards.
這是有限定條件的論點,而不是生硬的「是/否」。作者把立場繫於一個條件(主動管理)之上,為全文的論證埋下伏筆——這正是 8 分任務回應所獎勵的思辨深度。
The "benefits" view is granted, then qualified from inside — the writer concedes the point and immediately complicates it, showing evaluation rather than a flat list of pros. This is the concede-then-refine move that top essays make within a single paragraph.
「有益」這一觀點先被承認,然後從內部加以限定——作者認可這一點,隨即將其複雜化,展現的是評價而非平鋪直敘的優點清單。這正是頂分作文在同一段之內完成的「先讓步、再細化」的手法。
One idea developed to its consequences: high demand → conversion to short-term lets → rising rents → residents displaced. Compare the Band 6 essay, which states "the price of house and food will increase" and stops there.
一個觀點被推進到它的後續影響:需求高漲 → 公寓改成短租 → 房租上漲 → 本地居民被擠走。對比 6 分作文:它只說了一句「房價和食物價格會上漲」就沒有下文了。
The essay reframes both sides under a single controlling idea (governance), so the two views stop being a shopping list and become one coherent argument. This synthesis is what "discuss both views" is really testing.
文章把雙方觀點都歸到一個統攝性的核心(治理)之下,於是兩種看法不再是一張清單,而成為一個連貫的論證。這種綜合正是「討論雙方觀點」真正考查的東西。
The conclusion refuses to simply repeat "advantages outweigh disadvantages" and instead reframes the whole question around distribution of benefit — a precise, memorable close that demonstrates control of the argument.
結論沒有簡單重複「優點大於缺點」,而是把整個問題重新聚焦到「利益歸誰」之上——一個精確而有記憶點的收尾,顯示出對論證的掌控力。
Both essays cover benefits and harms and reach a balanced conclusion, so coverage is not the difference. The Band 8 essay develops each point to its consequence, concedes the opposing view and then qualifies it, and unifies both sides under one controlling idea — that the real variable is how tourism is governed, not tourism itself. The Band 6 essay lists advantages and disadvantages in single sentences, leans on memorized openers, and carries recurring grammar slips (missing plurals, subject-verb agreement) that a Mandarin speaker should proofread for specifically. When revising, turn each listed point into a short chain of cause and effect, and read every sentence once just to check articles and plurals.
兩篇文章都涵蓋了利與弊,也都給出了平衡的結論,所以「是否涵蓋」並不是差距所在。8 分作文把每個論點推進到它的後果,先承認對方觀點再加以限定,並把雙方統攝在一個核心之下——真正的變量是「如何治理旅遊」,而非旅遊本身。6 分作文用單句羅列優缺點,依賴背誦式開頭,還帶有反覆出現的文法失誤(漏複數、主謂不一致),說中文的考生尤其應專門校對這些。修改時,把每個羅列的論點變成一小段因果鏈條,並把每句話單獨讀一遍,只用來檢查冠詞和複數。