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比較同一題目的兩篇範文。
Nowadays, many parents think about where to raise their children, in the city or in the countryside. Both places have good point and bad point.1 In my opinion, I think it is better to raise children in a big city, because city have more resource for children2.
First reason is, city have better education. There are many good school in the city, and also many library and museum. Children can learn a lot of knowledge in these place. But in the countryside, there is only few school and the teacher is not so good. So children in the city can get better education than countryside3.
Second reason is, city have more chance for children future. In the city, children can see many different thing and meet many different people, so they can open their eyes and know the world4. When they grow up, they can find a good job in the city easily. But in the countryside, there is not so many chance, so children maybe can not have a good future.
Some people think countryside is better because the air is fresh and clean, this is true5. But I think education and future is more important than the air. So in conclusion, I think it is better to raise children in a big city.
A flat, formulaic sentence that stalls the introduction and drops the plural ("good points and bad points"). It states the obvious without moving toward a position — Score-17 introductions often idle here instead of committing to an argument.
一句平淡、套路化的話,讓引言停滯,而且漏了複數(「good points and bad points」)。它陳述了顯而易見的事,卻沒有推進到立場——17 分檔的引言常常卡在這裡空轉,而不去投入一個論點。
Two errors in a short clause: "city have" needs "cities have" or "a city has", and "resource" should be the plural "resources". Because Mandarin marks neither number nor agreement, these two slip in together constantly — check the subject and the noun every time.
短短一個從句裡兩個錯誤:「city have」應為「cities have」或「a city has」,「resource」應為複數「resources」。由於普通話既不標數也不標一致,這兩類錯誤常常成對出現——每次都要同時檢查主語和名詞。
A faulty comparison: it compares "children" to "countryside", two unlike things. It should be "than children in the countryside". Incomplete comparisons like this are a frequent Score-17 error and blur the very point being argued.
比較對象不對等:它把「孩子」和「鄉村」這兩個不同類的東西相比。應為「than children in the countryside」。這種殘缺的比較是 17 分檔的常見錯誤,會模糊掉正在論證的要點。
"Open their eyes" is a direct translation of 开眼界; the natural idiom is "broaden their horizons". The idea (exposure to diversity) is reasonable but stops at a slogan instead of showing how exposure actually shapes a child.
「Open their eyes」是「開眼界」的直譯;道地的說法是「broaden their horizons」。這個觀點(接觸多樣性)是合理的,但停在了口號層面,沒有展示這種接觸究竟如何塑造一個孩子。
A comma splice joins two independent clauses; it needs a period or a conjunction ("clean, and this is true"). The concession is also recorded but never answered beyond "I think education is more important" — granting a point without engaging it caps the development score.
逗號連接了兩個獨立句(逗號黏連),需要用句號或連詞(「clean, and this is true」)。讓步也只是被記下,除了「我認為教育更重要」之外從未真正回應——承認一個觀點卻不與之交鋒,會壓低論證展開分。
Where to raise a child is rarely a neutral choice, since the surrounding environment quietly shapes what the child comes to treat as normal. Although the countryside offers real advantages in space and calm, I believe a big city is, on balance, the better place to raise children, primarily because of the breadth of opportunity it makes ordinary rather than exceptional1.
The most decisive factor is access to specialized resources that a child cannot easily seek out alone. A city concentrates not just schools but the surrounding infrastructure that turns a passing interest into a genuine pursuit: a public library within walking distance, a science museum reachable by bus, a Saturday coding club, an orchestra that accepts beginners. A rural child equally curious about music or engineering depends far more on whether a single local teacher happens to exist, whereas a city child can usually find an institution built for exactly that interest. The difference is not that cities produce more talented children, but that they lower the cost of pursuing whatever talent a child already has.
A second, subtler benefit is habitual exposure to difference. A child who grows up alongside classmates from many countries, income levels and beliefs learns to treat variety as unremarkable, and that early fluency in navigating unfamiliar people is difficult to acquire later3. This is not merely about tolerance; it is a practical skill, since the adult world such a child will enter is itself diverse, mobile and unpredictable, and the instincts formed in a mixed urban classroom transfer directly to it.
I do not dismiss the countryside's genuine strengths. Cleaner air, physical freedom and a slower, safer rhythm are real goods, and a childhood spent partly outdoors is something many urban parents rightly try to recreate. Yet most of these benefits can be approximated within or near a city through parks, weekend trips and green suburbs, while the reverse is far harder4: a rural family cannot easily manufacture a world-class museum or a genuinely diverse peer group. The city's disadvantages are the more solvable ones, which is what finally tips the balance.
For these reasons I would choose a city, not because the countryside is a poor place to grow up, but because the specific advantages a city offers — concentrated opportunity and everyday diversity — are precisely the ones that are hardest to reproduce elsewhere, whereas its drawbacks are the easiest to soften5.
A thesis with a built-in idea, not just a preference. "Makes ordinary rather than exceptional" names the precise mechanism the essay will defend, giving the whole response a spine — the kind of controlled thesis that anchors a top-band essay.
一個自帶核心思想的論點,而不只是一個偏好。「讓機會變得尋常而非例外」點明了全文將要論證的精確機制,為整篇回應立起了脊梁——正是這種有掌控力的論點,穩住了頂分檔作文。
One idea developed to a precise formulation: the essay refuses the crude claim that cities make children smarter and instead identifies the real variable (cost of access). Compare the Score-17 essay's flat "children can get better education" — this shows the mechanism rather than asserting the outcome.
一個觀點被推進到精確的表述:文章拒絕了「城市讓孩子更聰明」這種粗糙斷言,轉而點出真正的變量(獲取成本)。對比 17 分作文那句平淡的「孩子能受到更好的教育」——這裡展示的是機制,而非直接斷言結果。
This is what "broaden their horizons" should have become: exposure is traced to a concrete, transferable adult skill and an explanation of why timing matters. The Score-17 essay stopped at the slogan; here the idea is carried through to its consequence.
這正是「開眼界」本應發展成的樣子:把「接觸」追蹤到一項具體、可遷移的成年技能,並解釋了為什麼時機很重要。17 分作文停在了口號;這裡把觀點一路推到了它的後果。
The concession is answered with a real argument (asymmetry of solvability) rather than merely outweighed by assertion. Granting the countryside its due and then showing its advantages are the more replaceable ones is exactly the concede-then-redirect move top essays make.
讓步得到了真正的論證回應(可解決性的不對稱),而不是靠斷言壓過去。充分承認鄉村的好處,再論證這些好處才是更容易被替代的一方——這正是頂分作文的「先讓步、再轉向」手法。
The conclusion names the decisive criterion (which side's weaknesses are more fixable) instead of simply restating the preference. Supplying an explicit basis for the judgement, rather than repeating it, is a hallmark of the top score band.
結論點出了決定性的標準(哪一方的弱點更容易補救),而不是簡單重申偏好。為判斷給出一個明確的依據,而非重複判斷本身,正是最高分檔的標誌。
Both essays choose the city and cite the same two reasons — education and exposure — so the choice and the outline are identical. The Score-28 essay converts each reason into a precise mechanism (cities lower the cost of access; early exposure becomes a transferable adult skill), answers the countryside concession with a real argument about which side's weaknesses are more fixable, and ends by naming the criterion behind its judgement. The Score-17 essay states its reasons as slogans ("open their eyes"), records the concession without engaging it, and is slowed by agreement, plural and faulty-comparison errors a Mandarin speaker should proofread for deliberately. To close the gap, push each reason one step further into how and why, and make your concession an argument, not just an admission.
兩篇作文都選了城市,也都給出同樣的兩個理由——教育與見識——所以選擇和大綱完全相同。28 分作文把每個理由都轉化為精確的機制(城市降低了獲取的成本;早期的接觸會變成可遷移的成年技能),用一個真正的論證(哪一方的弱點更容易補救)回應了對鄉村的讓步,並在結尾點出判斷背後的標準。17 分作文把理由說成口號(「開眼界」),只是記下讓步卻不與之交鋒,還被主謂一致、複數和殘缺比較等錯誤拖慢——說中文的考生應刻意校對這些。要縮小差距:把每個理由再往「如何」與「為何」推進一步,並讓你的讓步成為一段論證,而不只是一句承認。