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Writing structure library
Compare the two responses to the same prompt.
In modern society, technology is developing very fast, and almost everyone has a smartphone now. Some people think technology make people less social1. I partly agree with this opinion, but I also think technology has some good effect on our social life.
On the one hand, I admit that technology sometimes make people less social. For example, when friends have dinner together, many people always look at their phone and don't talk with each other. This is not good for the relationship. Also, some young people spend too much time on the internet and social media, so they don't want to go outside and meet real people. They only have online friend but no real friend.2
On the other hand, technology also make people more social in some way. Because of the social media, we can keep in touch with our friends who live in far away places. In the past, if your friend move to another city, you will lose contact easily3. But now, we can chat with them by wechat or send message anytime, so our relationship become closer.
In conclusion, I think technology has both good and bad effect on our social life. It depends on how we use it. If we use technology in a correct way, it will make our life more convenient and our relationship more better4. So we should use technology wisely.
In a word, technology is a double-edged sword, we should use the good side and avoid the bad side.5
"Technology" is an uncountable singular subject, so the verb must be "makes". This exact agreement slip recurs three times in the essay ("technology make", "people always look"), because Chinese verbs never inflect. Fixing this one pattern would noticeably raise the accuracy score.
Both nouns need plurals: "online friends but no real friends". The contrast the writer wants (online vs. real) is a good idea, but it is asserted flatly — why online ties fail to satisfy is never explained, which keeps development at Score-18.
A tense and agreement mismatch: a hypothetical needs "moves" (present) or a conditional "if your friend moved... you would lose contact". Mixing present and future in one conditional is a frequent Chinese-speaker error since Chinese marks time with context, not verb endings.
A double comparative — "more" and "better" both mark comparison, so only one is allowed: "better" or "much better". This overcorrection is common when a learner senses a comparison is needed but stacks two markers to be safe.
A second, redundant conclusion after "In conclusion" — the essay ends twice. "Double-edged sword" is also a memorized idiom used as a substitute for a real final thought, and a comma splice joins the two halves. One precise conclusion beats two vague ones.
Whether smartphones and social media have made us less social is harder to answer than it first appears, because the question hides an assumption: that the connection these tools remove and the connection they add are the same kind1. I disagree with the claim that technology has made people less social, but only after redefining what "social" is being measured, since the technology has not reduced our contact so much as changed its texture.
It is true that devices routinely interrupt the situations we most associate with closeness. Anyone who has watched a table of friends fall silent over their screens knows the phone can hollow out a shared moment2, replacing presence with a hundred shallow elsewhere-connections. If being social means undivided, face-to-face attention, then technology has plainly eroded it, and dismissing that cost would be dishonest.
Yet this framing quietly ignores the enormous volume of connection these same tools create. A person who might once have lost every friendship that survived only through proximity can now sustain dozens of them across cities and decades; a shy teenager who struggles in a crowded room can find, online, a community built around exactly their interest. These are not lesser relationships simply because they are mediated by a screen. The relevant question is not whether we interact less, but whether the interaction we have gained is thinner than the interaction it displaced.3
My answer is that it is different rather than uniformly thinner, and that the outcome depends on substitution. When online contact replaces relationships that would otherwise have existed in person, something real is lost, because a screen filters out tone, touch and full attention. But when it maintains relationships that distance would otherwise have ended, or reaches people who were already isolated, it is pure gain. The tool itself is neutral; what determines the effect is whether it is adding connections we could not have had or subtracting ones we would have had anyway4.
For this reason I resist the blanket claim that technology has made people less social. It has made us social in a different register — wider, shallower and less bound by place5 — and whether that trade impoverishes or enriches a given person depends almost entirely on what their online hours are replacing.
The thesis exposes a hidden assumption in the prompt instead of answering it head-on. Identifying that the question conflates two different kinds of "social" gives the essay an angle no template supplies — the analytic move that anchors a top-band response.
The concession is granted at full strength with a vivid, specific image before it is answered. Compare the Score-18 essay's flat "this is not good for the relationship" — the higher essay makes the opposing case genuinely felt so that overturning it means something.
The essay reframes the whole debate around a single sharper question (quality of substitution, not quantity of contact). This is the same online-vs-real contrast the Score-18 essay raised, but turned into a precise criterion the argument can actually be decided by.
One idea developed into a genuine decision rule: the effect depends on substitution, stated precisely enough to apply to any case. Where the Score-18 essay concludes vaguely that "it depends on how we use it", this specifies exactly what it depends on.
The conclusion refuses the yes/no binary and names the actual change with three precise adjectives. Compressing the whole argument into "a different register" is the kind of controlled, non-repetitive close that reads as top-band writing.
Both essays land on the same balanced idea — technology helps and harms our social life depending on use — so the takeaway is shared. The Score-27 essay gets there by exposing a hidden assumption in the prompt, granting the concession real force before overturning it, and converting the vague "it depends on how we use it" into a precise decision rule (the effect turns on what online time replaces). The Score-18 essay reaches the same conclusion but asserts its points without developing them, ends twice (once with a memorized "double-edged sword"), and repeats one agreement error — "technology make" — three times, alongside plural, tense and double-comparative slips. The thinking is on track; raise the score by developing each point into a criterion and fixing the single recurring verb-agreement pattern.